Where to begin?
I know I don't have a large group of readers these days. But for those of you that still read my blog, maybe you can help?
So, my most pressing problem is Reagan's behavior at church. She despises it. That's all there is too it. For the first eight months of the calendar year she was fine with attending church. Now, all of the sudden she hates it. Once she starts crying in her primary class, her actions only escalate. She hyperventilates. There's no calming her down.
This week I received a phone call from a member of the primary presidency, asking what I thought they should do about Reagan's outbursts, because "they are becoming a problem". Not only did I want to crawl in to a hole to hide my embarrassment, but I also had no suggestions???
Reagan never acts like that at Pre-School, or in dance class. I don't know what, specifically, about church sends her in to such an extreme downward sprial?!
Her teachers at church are very sweet people. And she hasn't had problems with any of her church classmates. I'm at a loss. Help!
My house is frustrating. My kitchen floor is still a mess. There is a lot of construction going on directly across the street from us. There have been several days when they've been excavating, or landscaping; that it literally feels like someone is picking up my home and dropping it forcefully to the ground. Now (because of the construction) there are bricks on the front of my abode that have cracked in half. I called our insurance, and they told me that brick damage wasn't covered in my policy. Now, the bathtub/shower in our basement won't dispense hot water! Cold water comes out just fine. But no hot. I can't afford to hire a plumber to fix it, and I think that's what it might take to repair it.
I'm open to suggestion. Just realize that Nick and I are not handy when it comes to home maintenance. Thus, the reason my kitchen floor is in such bad shape (we tried to tile it ourselves).
Oh, and Home Depot decided to only carry wood pellets for pellet stoves (the primary way we heat our basement) at two stores in all of UT this year. Does anyone know someplace in Davis County that we can go to buy wood pellets?
Elsa is an angel, but I cannot figure out how to get her to learn her colors? No matter what I try, nothing sticks. She isn't stupid. She can count to 20, and recognizes her numbers. She also recognizes all of the uppercase, and some of the lowercase letters of the alphabet. She speaks very well. The list goes on and on. However, the only color she consistently gets right is White.
Nick thinks it is funny. His helpful suggestion was that maybe she had "cones in her eyes, but no rods; or vice versa".
I didn't think girls could be color blind? But maybe they can?
Should I even be worrying about this?
While I am venting. I want to say that Cohen is the most difficult child of my three. He gave up his morning nap two months ago, and that was hard. The girls didn't give up napping twice-a-day until they were 16-18 months old. Even though Cohen can crawl, he wants me to carry him all of the time. He follows me around the house all day long, whining to be picked up. I never thought I'd say it, but I wish he'd venture away from me and get in to stuff. I think dealing with naughty behavior, and cleaning up messes would be easier than accidentally stepping on the crying baby under my feet, several times a day.
He doesn't like being bathed. Popping either of the girls in the tub always (and still) solved nearly every problem. Too bad I can't put Reagan in the bathtub at church. ha ha.
He makes babysitters miserable. Already, he's scared off three (yes, THREE!) neighborhood babysitters.
He fights sleep at naptime and bedtime.
But at least, he is now sleeping through the night. It only took a year of misery to get there.
My friend, Lindsay, told me that the first year of your baby's life is the hardest, but that it gets easier as each month passes. I found this to be true with the girls. Reagan was a difficult baby, and obviously, parenting her is no cake-walk. But there are times that she gives me a break. With Cohen I keep waiting for him to get easier, I certainly need the reprieve! Maybe after his molars come in?
My AMAZING-no-one-can-compare, cleaning girl is moving to Arizona in two weeks. I am torn about what to do? Morgan (the girl that cleans for me) is the best at what she does. I've tried other people, that charge the same amount, or more; and they just don't do as good of a job as she does. It's a problem. A real problem.
In the past two weeks I had to prepare treats to take to Reagan's preschool class, and directly after that I had to do Reagan's birthday celebration at preschool (since her b-day is in July, they celebrate it sometime during the school year). Now I'm furiously putting things together for her Christmas party.
I don't think I'm going to do any formal "neighbor gifts" this year. It's just too much.Even if I find a way to do thoughtful dollar gifts for everyone around us, that will still add up to over $60! I hope people don't notice? Our budget is tight right now. In the past month-ish, I think we've had to put over $2K in to vehicle expenses, and my car still needs new tires- in the worst way. I've been dumping all of the extra money on to Nick's student loans, we have a goal to have them paid off by February. We're on track to make it, but only as long as I account for every penny we put out between now and then. Being frugal is very difficult for me.
Nick and I desperately need a night away. Just the two of us. Our marriage needs it. But we don't have the cash to pay a babysitter to stay over night, and hotels are so pricey this time of year. Now, I'm not trying to solicit for a babysitter. I am well aware of how good I have things. This is simply a brain dump, and slight temper tantrum.
I believe I am far more sensitive than I usual lately. But in my personal life, I feel like I've been put through the "emotional wringer" the past month. It's not secret that I've struggled with relations with Nick's family. I think it may have calmed down now. We cut off the relationship with the most difficult person/people. And we are mending things with Nick's parents.
But I'm still frazzled. All of the stress has really gotten to me.
On the bright side, though.... I lost all of the weight I gained while on vacation to Seattle, and then some. I know the root cause is because I've been dealing with so much anxiety. Since June 1st I've lost 26 pounds, and since October 8th I'm down 14 pounds.
I guess every storm cloud does have a silver lining.
4 comments:
Hi Brooke,
I don't often have time to just sit down and read a blog, but today Ben had a long nap and I got caught up. Woo Hoo. I don't think that I have the answers to all of your questions, but here is my experience. Church issues...My middle son really struggled at different times with going to primary. We finally had to go to primary with him for several months ( maybe Reagan won't go with you or it doesn't help) but with Zeke we just had to take turns and go. Not fun, but he finally decided he could do it on his own.
As for things getting easier as babies get older. It really depends on the child. I wish I could tell you what I have to say will make you feel better but I can't. Sorry ! I remember being told that it will get easier and I waited for a magic moment when things would get better. I got more and more depressed as time went on and things were just as hard, or harder. I finally had a friend tell me, "this too shall pass, but it may take 18 years, and then there will be something else." I just realized that when it comes to parenting it will always be hard, but when those sweet moments happen and things are easier it is all the sweeter.
Good Luck,
Tiff
Hang in there! I have no suggestions, but feel your pain. Good luck!
So, I have some thoughts that might be helpful, and some probably-not-as-helpful commentary for perspective.
For Reagan's struggles at church, I think you have to talk to her to figure out why she hates it. Then let her know that even if she hates it, it is completely unacceptable for her to act that way in church, period. Then figure out a way to make it matter to her. Maybe promising her a long timeout after church if she doesn't behave, or taking away toys that she likes. I would avoid offering a reward for good behavior, because the rest of us don't get a reward for sitting nicely through church. It's just something that you should do. And if you have to sit in there so she knows you are watching, do it, and glare a lot!
For Elsa learning colors: you can't force her to learn something her brain isn't ready to learn. All you can do is offer the information and she will get it at some point. Just keep it casual, and maybe limit your focus to one color at a time so she isn't trying to sort them all out at the same time.
For all the money, home repairs, and fussy baby stuff, a line from SNL back in the day comes to mind: lowered expectations. I say that to myself often. Maybe you will have to get tires now instead of paying the extra to your loans, and you will get the loans paid off a few months later than you planned. Sometimes stuff has to wait and it doesn't fit into your ideal plan. Expect that your baby will be fussy and horrible, so that it doesn't frustrate you when he is. Sometimes if you just expect less, you feel better about how things are. It doesn't change anything, but you feel better.
And something my mom said when I was telling her a list of my parent/adult life struggles might help. I told her that something else kept happening when I thought I was out of the woods. She just chuckled and said, "when you're a parent, there's always another woods."
As for the cleaning lady "problem"...... This is where I will not attempt to be helpful. I have never, ever had a cleaning lady, not even for a day. If you are able to have even a sub-par cleaning lady, you have more help than most! My mantra: lowered expectations, once again! My house will not be as clean as I want it to be unless I do it all myself, but I am too busy being a mom to be a very good housekeeper. I settle for a messier house.
The last time I had a night away with my husband was five years ago, and even then it was a work thing. I think it is too much to ask of someone, even if you pay them, to watch more than one child overnight, so a night away is an unrealistic luxury to me. Lowered expectations: settle for a night in and spend time together after the kids are in bed. Do that as often as you can and you can get by without a night away.
Wow. That was really long. Basically, I think being an adult is not very fun! There is always way too much to get done, and never enough time or money for all of it. So, good luck sorting it all out!
Sounds pretty overwhelming! I hate those points in life when all of the little things pile up. At least it is just a bunch of little things and not something huge and tragic. That is always how I have to look at it. I don't have many suggestions for you. I wouldn't worry about Elsa and her colors. She is still so young and obviously showing that she can learn other things. I do have a few fun songs that I taught in preschool that have fun activities to go along with them. My preschool kids loved them and I use them with my own kids, who also love them. Let me know if you want them and I can send them to you. I have no advice for Reagan and Cohen. Wish I could help. Good luck and hang in there.
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