My Friend Has Cancer, Now What?

I have been asked, many times, about what gifts/acts I appreciated the most; while I was doing cancer treatment?

Here is my "brain dump":

• Aloe Infused Cabin Socks.  These socks were one of the best gifts given to me.  My feet were so tender, it was even painful to walk barefoot in the house!  Fluffy socks were on my feet at all times (even in the middle of July!), and the aloe infused cabin socks were my absolute favorite.
• Lemon Powder. Chemotherapy alters your taste.  There was a point when even water tasted gross!  Lemon powder helped take a bit of the "scummy-pond-water" taste away.
• Gift Cards to eat out!  This was HUGE. My friend, Haley, sent me a gift card to chick-fil-a and it was EVERYTHING! Most of the time, as friends, our first instinct is to take a meal in...  Remember how I said that tastes change?  They even vary from moment-to-moment!  It was so nice to be able to look at a menu for a restaurant, and choose something that I thought  my stomach could handle- right then!  Even a $10 gift certificate to McDonald's would be appreciated, in lieu of a freezer meal.
• Along that same vein... Having pre-cut fruit, veggie trays, premade treats, in my fridge- that were easy for me to grab, and took no prep; was nice.  Sometimes I only had energy to make it from the bed, to the kitchen, and back.  The thought of even making a sandwich was overwhelming.  Being able to take out a strawberry, or two, was heaven.
• If your friend is doing radiation, aloe vera gel WITHOUT alcohol is a nice gift.  Radiation give you a pretty nasty sunburn!  And the aloe vera gel that had alcohol in the contents really stung!

When it comes to the more emotional support, I would say this:

• Give the cancer patient space, AT FIRST.  It is so overwhelming when the diagnosis arrives!  I know, that I did not want to see anyone that first week.  As the patient, you do not have a lot of answers, in the beginning.  It takes a while for the biopsy results to come back from pathology.  And for the patient to meet with their doctor, to get a "game plan".  They cannot answer questions about: stage, type, prognosis; until a little later on.  For me, I was told by the radiologist, that I had a large cancerous mass.  But then, when I went in to have the biopsy, a week later, and the doctor performing the biopsy told me that the tumor might not be cancer.  In short, the feelings the patient is hit with are massive!  And there's so much uncertainty!  Unless they ask for it, do not rush right over!  Give it time.
• Once time has passed, though, DO be pushy.  ie- Don't ask, Just do!  Do not say: "What can I do for you"? Instead phrase things this way: "I'm coming over to vacuum your house, what time would be convenient".  Two of my most precious memories are:  the time my friend, Lee, was over visiting; and she just walked over to my sink and started doing my dishes.  She kept the conversation up, while she was loading/unloading the dishwasher. LOVE! Another time, I looked out my window (and saw something better than popcorn popping on the apricot tree...) my neighbor, Dick, weeding my flower bed.  He didn't ask for recognition.  The only reason I knew it was him, was because I happened to catch him.
• Know that: when one person gets cancer, the entire family gets cancer.  Are you doing something fun?  See if my kids want to go too!
• And, the primary caregiver usually has things even harder than the patient.  People were constantly asking about how I was doing.  But for Nick, that was rare.  Nick's buddies took him to St. George for a few days, while I was doing treatment.  And it buoyed him up.  Give it thought, as to what you can do to help the primary caregiver too.
• The little things, turn in to the big things!!! This may not be true for every cancer patient?  In fact, I know it's not.  Because not everyone is as "type-A" personality as I am.  Relinquishing control on aspects of my life was difficult. And, O-M-Goodness!  When I was thrown a curve-ball, it felt like the end of the world!  If you agree to do something, ahead of time, please follow through!  For example: there was a time when child-care fell through, at the last minute.  Pre-cancer, this would not have been a big deal.  But mid-treatment, it was devastating.  I did not posses problem-solving brainpower.  So, yes.  Follow-through.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. In no particular order.

Instagram doesn't let me be my long-winded self.
And today, I need to complain.

Over the weekend I picked up several prints of pictures from Walgreens; to update my picture wall.  When I saw this print I nearly cried:

To begin with: time is going too fast.  Aside from the lack of sleep, I miss having babies.  I miss that my kids are not all "mine" anymore.  In the fall, all three of my children will be in school full-time.  Let the sobbing commence.

Also, I have pudged up in the last six months.  I went to a checkup with my oncologist two weeks ago, and the scale read 170 pounds.  I have not been that heavy in ages.
I look at that snapshot and I am reminded of how on-point my eyebrows and eyelashes were.  How lustrous my hair was.  How my face wasn't wrinkled...

The past two months my forehead has been plagued with cystic acne.  The big, red, angry-type zits.  I thought, FOR SURE, that my body had come out of menopause.  But nope.  The bloodwork said that I am still firmly rooted in "the menopause".  So, not only do I still get the pleasure of having hot flashes, but I have zits too?

I attempted a "run" this morning.  I could only make it 2.25 miles.  And it was an eleven and a half minute mile pace.
I miss Stephanie, my running partner; and best friend.  I miss her so much it hurts.

Another thing my checkup revealed is that my thyroid medication isn't the correct dosage.  That's being changed.  Again.
But, on the flip-side: there's still no evidence of disease.

On the other flip-side...  The Utah Chapter of the Komen Foundation closed in January.  So, there will be no Race For the Cure this year.  Piece of junk.  I was really looking forward to it, and I definitely need something to train for.


I have had so many days lately, that I have felt yucky.  That I didn't even want to get out of bed.  I didn't blog in 2016 because it was such dark time in my life.  I intend to start blogging regularly, and I am also going to go backward; to catch-up on life events from the past, that I want to remember.

But now?  Today.  I am having more bad days; than good.  I want to be able to look in the mirror and love my appearance again.


So, not to entirely have my first blog post in two years be a total "downer" I do want to end on a high-note!

A sweet neighbor of ours, Shirley, nominated Reagan for a prestigious award; and Reagan was chosen!
The Utah Chapter for the Council for Exceptional Children will be awarding Reagan with the "Yes I Can" award in the area of Independent Living.
Anyone that would like to come see Reagan receive the award during an assembly at her school DM me, and I'll send you the details.

Free, Free, Free! And It helps me!

Even if you're not a runner.
Even if you don't live close enough to participate.
Even if you don't like me.
...

Please, sign up!

 There's a registration option to "sleep in". This means you do not have to participate, HOWEVER, the UT chapter of the Komen Race for the CURE still receives the dontation from Walgreens.

 It is a good cause.
And it doesn't cost you a thing (except for a mere 5 minutes of your time).

And if you do want to particpate in the actual event!!! There is a 1 mile option, and a 5k option.

Again, here are the instructions:
•Go to http://www.komenutah.org/
•Click "Register Today"
•And then choose "Register"
•Click "Join A Team"
•Choose "First Time Registration" (unless you have registered before)
•Search for a team. Our team name is: WALGREENS TREASURED CHESTS, I am the team captain *It is important that you join this team!!!!
•Join the team: WALGREENS TREASURED CHESTS
•Under the Participant Options, complete all of your personal information; and under the ENTER COMPANY CODE section, use the company code: WAG2016 (WAG must be capitalized for the code to work). And this is how you get the registration fee paid for by Walgreens.
•Enter a fund raising goal, if you would like? But you certainly do not have to enter a dollar amount. You're already helping breast cancer research by signing up in the first place!
•Finish up your registration, and at the end the dollar amount to register should be $0.00

Run, Walk, or Sleep In- The Komen- for FREE!

Walgreens is a national sponsor of the Komen Race for the cure.  As a national sponsor, Walgreens will pay the registration fee for family and friends of Walgreens employees!  AND!!! the registration fee money is then donated back to support the Utah Chapter.  It's a win/win situation!  Walk or run the race, for free; and breast cancer research reaps the benefit.

This year, the event is on Saturday, May 7th, 2016.

I would love to be surrounded by familiar faces, as I participate in this event!  And I've heard that the free "swag" in the booths is pretty cool.

If you do not live nearby, or cannot participate that day, you can still sign up!  There is an option to "sleep in".

Please, sign yourself up.  Sign up your significant others.  And your children.  I did!

Below are the instructions on how to register, so that you can have the free registration:

• Go to http://www.komenutah.org/
• Click "Register Today"
• And then choose "Register"
• Click "Join A Team"
• Choose "First Time Registration"  (unless you have registered before)
• Search for a team.  Our team name is: WALGREENS TREASURED CHESTS Nick is the team captain  *It is important that you join this team!!!!
• Join the team: WALGREENS TREASURED CHESTS
• Under the Participant Options, complete all of your personal information; and under the ENTER COMPANY CODE section, use the company code: WAG2016 (WAG must be capitalized for the code to work).  And this is how you get the registration fee paid for by Walgreens.
• Enter a fund raising goal, if you would like?  But you certainly do not have to enter a dollar amount.  You're already helping breast cancer research by signing up in the first place!
• Finish up your registration, and at the end the dollar amount to register should be $0.00

LET'S ROCK THIS! So that Walgreens will donate the money raised here in UT to the local UT chapter.

If you have any questions, call, text, or email me.

Cancer Free.

I finished Radiation on February 25th.
It was grueling.
And it left me exhausted.
Not to mention, burned and blistered!   The skin that was radiated looked like the worst sunburn I've ever experienced!

Gratitude to my friend, Megan, for providing relief in the form of an aloe vera plant that she kindly lent to me.

The day of my last appointment Nick and I checked the kids out of school early; and we all went to HCI.
Generally, radiation treatments are very quick.
If everything is running on time, I can be in and out in 20 minutes.

And so, I finished!  I was sad to leave the girls that took care of me each day during radiation.  I genuinely liked seeing Amanda, RoseMarie, and Carli every day.
But the radiation itself?  Not so much.
I was happy to leave that behind.

My family met us for a late lunch, directly after my appointment.
We ate at the Cheesecake factory.

What a great group of people I get to be surrounded by.

At the beginning of radiation I had the flu.

At the end of radiation I had a cold.

My nose will not stop running.

I threw away all of my tampons, years ago (after I had my endometrial ablation).  But quite literally, I have been entertaining the idea of going to the store and purchasing a box, just so I can stick one up my nose, to stem the flow of snot!

Having a cold is not the way I wanted to start the beginning of my time without radiation.  Yuck.  The combination of the two has left me drained.

I am so tired.

That, in tandem with Nick's not-so-wonderful work schedule...  Makes me want to take a nap, just thinking about it.

Last week Elsa begged me to paint her fingernails.

I was lying on the couch, and did not want to move.

So Elsa brought the nail polish to me (I keep the lacquer on the high shelf in my medicine cabinet).

Whenever I give the girls manicures, Cohen always begs for one too; and Nick always tells him that "Boys don't paint their nails".

Generally, I will paint one or two of Cohens nails, to pacify him.

Well, back to the story at hand: after obliging Elsa, and spiffing up her nails; I managed to muster what energy I had left- and put the kids to bed.

As I was going to sleep, myself, I thought: "I should put that bottle of nail polish away.  But, nah.  I'll wait until the morning.  Really?  What could happen?".

Doh!

Cohen got out of bed (as he so often does).

And found the bottle of polish.

He painted his own toenails: 

 But he didn't stop there.

It was everywhere upstairs, in the living areas.  On every surface.
Fortunately?  I have had to clean up nail polish before (most of you may recall that Reagan was a master at "decorating" different surfaces of the house, when she was 2 years old.  And for the longest time, anything that could have been used as an artistic medium was contraband in our house).
I know that windex, and a lot of elbow grease, get nail polish out of the carpet.

The nail polish on the wall, though, wasn't cleaning up easily.  It was taking the paint off, and leaving a blue hue.
So, I went in to our basement, and pulled out (what I thought) was the paint can with the color used to paint our dining room, and family room walls.
I started painting.
But as the paint dried, I realized it was several shades darker that what I needed.

I fished out the correct can of paint color, only to discover that it was dry as a bone.
After sighing in frustration, I took Reagan (did I mention that she was sick too, and stayed home from school for two days? Yeah,  It was totally an easy week! Not,) and Cohen with me to Home Depot; to get a new can of paint.

I painted the wall and that was the end.
I hope.

Beyond all of that...
I can officially say that I am cancer free!
And when I make it to the 5 year mark, provided the cancer doesn't come back, I will be able to say I am cured!

11 Years With The Man of My Dreams.

I'm of the opinion that the position of primary caregiver is more difficult than being the patient.

Nick has held up like a champ, during the past 10 months.
He has listened to me complain, without complaint.

And, not that I have much of a "filter", when it comes to saying what I think...  But with Nick, I can speak freely; without having to fear judgement.
Sometimes he will give me a look of reproach.  But beyond that, he humors me.

He cares for our children.
And puts in looooong hours at work, to provide for us.

I love how we can communicate without words. 
And that he brings such a sense of humor in to our home.

He's a good egg.
We celebrated 11 years of marriage on March 5th.

Oh. L'amour.
I still think my choice of: tall, dark, and handsome husband; is the best I have ever made.

Radiation.

So, the good news is that my hair is coming back.  I can officially part it!

The other news is that I have really been struggling to survive radiation.

I suppose, it's actually a combination of things that have got me down... 
I've thought about blogging, every day.  But I literally have "nothing left in the tank" from sunup, until sundown; it seems.
I'm floundering.

By the end of last week, I felt like I was well acquainted with the "depths of despair".  I've NEVER been someone that has struggled with depression (I am lucky, I know.).  But, boy howdy, I sure felt like the "fight" had gone out of me.

Radiation makes me so tired.  I have not had energy to get anything done.
On top of that, I came down with the flu.  The real stuff.  Not the 24 hour puke fest, that so many people refer to as the flu.
I ended up back at Huntsman with a temperature of 103.
When I was released, I quarantined myself in our guestroom for the next few days.
Those two setbacks, combined with (what feels like) a never ending winter...  Will the snow ever melt?!  And will I ever see the sun again?  The Wasatch front has the nastiest inversion.
Lead me to feeling like I there was no light at the end of the tunnel.

Frankly, I am so tired of being knocked down.  Metaphorically, speaking.
How many more times will I have to pull myself up by the bootstraps?  I didn't know if I had it in me?

And then!!!  I was reminded that I'm not in this by myself.

A storm blew away the inversion.  And melted a lot of the snow.  Thank you, Heavenly Father.
And my Grandma celebrated her 87th birthday.

For her birthday she asked that the family deep clean (her already immaculate) house.
After a crummy week, my parents told me that I didn't need to help with the cleaning.  But I really wanted to go to Grantsville to celebrate the life of an amazing woman, who has been such a good example to me.

Reagan and Elsa had slept over at Kay's.  Nick was working.  So, I took Cohen with me.  We washed walls.  See my adorable nephew in the background?!   Two handsome boys.

And it turned out to be just what the doctor ordered!
My Grandma's house was packed to the gills with Imlay's!  It was wonderful.
Cousins, aunts, and uncles.   I can't even remember the last time so many of us were in the same place, at the same time!
I wandered from room to room, marinating in the love; and listening to the conversation.  And just plain finding happiness.

I didn't have to pull myself up by the bootstraps this time.  My family lifted me up.

On a funny note: Cohen was fascinated with my Grandma's corded wall-phone.
He said, "Grandpa, what's that?".
And my Dad gave Cohen a tutorial in how a "real" phone works.

Beyond all of the gloom, I'll give an update on my cancer journey:
I have decided to continue with the chemotherapy that is administered every three weeks.
I wanted to call it off after that round that occurred directly after my mastectomy.

Just to recap, I'm having chemo drugs called Herceptin, and perjeta administered; as part of a study.  In layman terms: these drugs suppress the HER2 in my body (that's the stuff that my specific cancer was "feeding" on).  Usually, people only get Herceptin, and perjeta for a few months, while they are getting the heavy chemo drugs.  But the study I am doing is looking to see if giving those drugs for an entire year lessens the chance that the cancer will recur?
This is what I can do to "pay it forward".
I had been under the impression that I would only be doing this until June.  And of course, as soon as I decided to go forward with it I found out that I'd actually be getting the infusions until September!!!
But I'll make it work.
And it isn't all bad.  I really do enjoy the part where people I love accompany me to chemo.  It is so nice to be able to sit in the chair, and visit.
I could do without the side effects...  Yes, I won't lose my hair with these types of drugs.  But I continue to have perma-diarrhea, and I could certainly live without that.

The thing I cannot live without is a loving family.  And I am so blessed to have one.  Both immediate, extended, and friends that feel like family.

Stuff About the Kids.

I am always grateful for the abundance of over-achievers that live in my neighborhood.

The local Mom's are completely on top of things.

At church, Reagan has been accommodated nicely.  They have her in a one-on-one situation for primary.  It has made such a difference!  She is retaining the lessons, and fighting with us a lot less about attending primary.

At school, things have been amazing!

Elsa's elementary school hosted a fundraiser, of which, we were the recipients.
People were embarrassingly generous.

I have struggled with finding a way to properly thank all of the people that have helped us.  These days, "Thank You" just doesn't seem big enough.
We never would have survived without the help of others.
I walk around with a heart full of gratitude.

Elsa's elementary school PTO hosted an Art Show.  It was fun.  And Elsa was proud to show off the snowman that she painted.

Thanks to Grandma Scheurer, Elsa's "100 days of school" art project turned out beautifully:

I was sick, so Kay helped Elsa with that particular homework assignment.

I very nearly asked Kay to make the poster say "For Sale", rather than "Elsa".  These days Elsa has been very trying.  To say the least.  Holy Moley!  She will only wear knee socks.  She throws a fit about wearing pants (because she wants to wear shorts- even though it is still winter outside!).  Depending on the day, she will insist that she wants to eat certain foods (that I never seem to have on hand), one day it is Naan, another it is meatballs, and this week it has been lasagna.  Of course, OF COURSE; the moment I purchase that food for her- she doesn't want to eat it anymore!!!  AHHH!  If I could pull my hair out, I would!
Middle Child.  Can't live with her, can't live without her.

Cohen is my favorite buddy.  Now that potty training is back on track.
Thank goodness for drama-free attitudes of boys.

Lately he has been saying a lot of things that make me raise an eyebrow, though.

Take our trip to Dollar Tree, for instance. 

We were there purchasing things to make a birthday poster for Elsa, since they were celebrating her half-birthday at school.

While I was paying, I heard Cohen tell the lady behind us, in line, "Humans shot my Dad with a gun.  He died."

My jaw was on the ground!

Cohen followed it up, immediately, by saying: "Colored Aliens killed my Mom.".

Where he got an idea like that, is beyond me???

One of Cohen's playmates asked him if he had any brothers?  Cohen, in the saddest voice he could muster, said: "No.  Only sisters".

When I told Nick about the comical exchange, Nick asked Cohen if he had any brothers?  Nick was hoping to replicate Cohen's prior response.  Instead, Cohen told Nick, "yes, I have a brother".  Nick inquired about where this brother was?  And Cohen replied, "my brother fell in a volcano".

Nice.

Yesterday, I was downstairs folding laundry.  Cohen came down and handed me my phone.  Cohen said, "The old man is going to come get me".

Me: "What???"

Cohen: "I talked to the old man, on the phone.  He said he would come get me."

Sure enough, my phone showed an incoming call that lasted 30 seconds.

It was scary.

I called the number back, and it was for a telemarketing scheme.

I made double-sure to set the alarm that night.

I'm pretty certain that it was just another one of Cohen's "stories".  Where he comes up with them, I don't know?

The girls loved watching Sesame Street when they were pre-schoolers.  Reagan's favorite show is still Curious George.  But Cohen has never enjoyed the shows that are educational.  He wants to watch Power Rangers!  (Colored Aliens) Kill me now!  LOL

That TV show is the worst.

And, did you know, that on Netflix; there are TWENTY different versions of Power Rangers?!  I counted.

Cohen may want to do Karate, and wrestle, like the people he sees on TV.  But he is also a total sweetheart.

At least once a day, Cohen will walk past me, nonchalantly, and kiss my head.  He follows the kiss up by saying, "I Wuv Ya".  It melts my heart.

Reagan still struggles, many days.

There's no rhyme, or reason to it?

One day, will be perfect.  And the next...   Well, let's just say- less than perfect.

I've had a hard time with the punishment that they've imposed upon her at school.

If she misbehaves on a Tuesday (for example), she will be excluded from the party that they are having on Friday.  Or, she will be told that she needs to go to "ISS" the following day.

I do not agree with consequences that are delayed.

I don't think that Reagan should get off scott-free from bad behavior.  But I think she should be reprimanded immediately.

I know that her teacher is doing the best he can, considering that he is dealing with a classroom full of special needs kids.  But I must say that I am looking forward to parent teacher conferences, so that I can have a distraction-free conversation with him.

All of this gets be back to my love-fest with Elsa's school.

The administrators, teachers, PTO, and parent-volunteers are all top-notch.

I'm always kept abreast of what is going on at Burton Elementary.  It is great.

At the Learning Center, where Reagan attends, I am not "in the know".

Yesterday, Reagan brought home a newsletter.  That was for the month of January.

AND, see this picture?

The coat she is wearing was stolen at school.
Not misplaced.  Stolen.
Reagan wore it to school one day, but came home that afternoon (in freezing temperatures) without it.

I received a note that said, Reagan had hung the coat up, outside the lunchroom (the teachers of Reagan's class eat lunch with them); and when they left the lunchroom to go to recess, the coat was gone.
I will say, that Reagan's classroom aide, Mr. K; impresses me.  He gave Reagan his coat, to wear for the rest of the day.  And he plays with the kids at recess.

But I'm still highly irritated about the coat incident!  After it didn't turn up (Reagan's name is written on the tag of the coat).  I went down to the school myself.
I sifted through the lost-and-found bin.  And searched the coat racks.  No coat.
When I mentioned it to Reagan's teacher, I was essentially told, "sorry Charlie".  Coats being stolen is apparently a common occurrence.

So, yes.  I am impressed with the other Mom's that make up my 'hood!  Thank you for taking care of me, and mine.

2016

Being neglectful about blog posting is probably not the best way to start off the new year...

But what are you going to do?

I constantly try to recall what life was like before I started chemo?

I know I was a lot more "on the ball".

I wonder if things will ever go back to being like that?

I was taking a walk with my friend, Rebecca, the other day and she used the word "salacious" in a sentence.  In my head, I was in complete admiration of her use of vocabulary!  Maybe, I should say that I was jealous?  I used to have a fantastic grip on the English language.

My sharp eyesight has been coming back.

But not so, my brain.

I struggle to recall simple words.

It's maddening.

My hair's coming back too.

I took this picture a few weeks ago. 

Since then, Reagan has lost her other front tooth, and my hair has thickened up, and really started to come in!
It means I've had to start shaving my legs again, but I am 100% fine with that.  And we all know I have no shortage of razors.  Ha Ha!
I made an appointment to have my eyebrows waxed.  I welcomed it!
I wanted to have my eyelashes tinted.  But they aren't long enough yet.

However, with the growth of my hair, and the fact that I've started having my eyebrows manicured again; it all equaled a nice "shot in the arm".  I'm starting to feel like a girl once more!!!

Fortunately, Kmart was having a sale on pajama's and undergarments; so I was able to buy several new bras for $2.50 apiece.
I don't NEED them.  But I like to wear them.  It makes me feel more normal.
The tissue expanders make me feel anything BUT normal.  I hate, Hate, HATE them.   By the end of the day, I have been tempted to tear the tissue expanders out of my chest with my fingers!

The best way I can explain how they feel, would be to say: that it's like wearing a too-tight underwire bra.  That you can never take off.  Ever.
Like I said, at bedtime; it's the worst.  It is when I am in the most pain.

All the more reason to finish up radiation quickly.  Once I am done with radiation, I have to wait 3 months before I can get reconstruction.
Those three months cannot pass quickly enough!  I want these hard-as-rock tissue expanders gone.
As far as the reconstruction surgery goes; I've decided that I am going to do the DIEP (tissue taken from my tummy, to reconstruct my chest).
I had been reconsidering, after all of the time I spent in the hospital from my mastectomy.  But my plastic surgeon told me that if I just wanted to have silicone implants, it would not be an out-patient surgery; like it is for some people.
If I did that, I'd have to have muscle taken from my back, to build a "sling" for the implants to sit in.

If they're going to cut in to me one way, or another, I might as well go for the tummy-tuck option.

I had my first real round of radiation this morning.
It didn't feel like anything.
I relaxed on a table, and listened to Pandora radio; while the radiation machine slowly rotated around me.  No sweat.
This time, anyway.
The radiation oncologist said that I wouldn't start feeling side effects until round 8.

And just FYI, radiation is EVERY DAY; Monday thru Friday.
Also, I had initially been told that I'd have to have 7 weeks of radiation.  But once the radiation oncologist looked at my file, he recommended that I only have 5 weeks of radiation.  Finally!  A win!

Before I started radiation I had to go in for some prep work.
This included making a mold of my upper torso, head, and arms. I chill in that Styrofoam mold during every radiation treatment, so that I am in the same position each time.
Being in the same exact position, down to the millimeter, is so important that they tattooed four dots on my body; so that they can line lasers up to the tattoos each day.
Yes, the tattoos are permanent.

And getting them done was no picnic.
I have no idea how people can stand getting "inked"?
This is the picture my sister took, right after I received my tattoos.  The small dot, in the center of the circle mark, is the tattoo.



I was told that radiation would be the same time every day.  But that's not the case.  My radiation calendar has appointments all over the place.  Sometimes I will have to be there for radiation at 7AM, and sometimes my appointment is as late as 3:30PM.

Again, what are you going to do about it?

Beyond the latest news concerning me...

Things are floating along around our house.

Christmas break was really difficult.

I was expecting Reagan to struggle, since she was going two weeks without her typical routine.  And she did.

But I did not expect Cohen to decide that he was going to refuse to poop in the toilet, all of the sudden?

That boy.

I did not relish having to purchase a package of diapers while I was at the grocery store.



I think he is back on track?
I hope he is.


Reagan is, Reagan.
I really feel like her Autistic tendencies are becoming more pronounced, as she gets older.
A lot of the time it is like having a "terrible-two-er" in a 7-year-olds body.  It's really hard to reason with her.  And her attention span is still pretty non-existent.
She doesn't like to talk.
When I ask her questions, she will either tell me that she doesn't want to talk, or she won't answer me at all.
But she is also terribly sweet, and innocent.
I am fairly certain that I will keep her in the learning center for 3rd grade.  3rd grade was the year that I remember the mean-girls finding their "mean", and I don't want Reagan to have to encounter that.
I still feel like the academics are severely lacking, in the learning center...
However, it's the best situation for Reagan's behavioral issues.
I feel like I start so many of my sentences with, "as soon as I am healthy..."
But, as soon as I am healthy :), I will work with Reagan a lot more at home.


Elsa is doing well.  And, be still my beating heart!, she loves school!   She also loves to read.
When she uses her whiny voice it still makes me want to poke myself in the eye!
But I guess everyone has to have a flaw?

From My P.O.V.



Let's jump right in to it.  I had surgery on Dec. 4th.

 

In the days leading up to the surgery I was keeping my self impossibly busy, mostly so that I wouldn't have time to think about what was coming up.

I got all of my Christmas shopping done.

And all of my Christmas cards addressed and in the mail.

I took the kids to see some Christmas lights.

 

 

I know that all of my family, both immediate, and extended had a special prayer and fast for me.  I cannot say how much that meant to me.

My Aunt Denise texted me and said that my uncle (her husband), had put my name on the General Authority prayer roll.  That knowledge made me cry.  In a good way.  I love the leaders of my church.

 

The night before the surgery, Nick gave me a blessing.

Armed with all of those facts, I went in to the surgery feeling very calm.

Originally, I was supposed to go in to surgery at 7:30AM.  But the night before the surgery, the hospital called to say that they had moved my surgery time back, and that I didn't need to be there until 11:30AM.

A lot of my friends must watch the Ellen show, because on the way to surgery that morning, I was getting texts that referred to Rachel Platten's, Flight Song.  Apparently, a gal with cancer had been on the show that morning, and she sang that song.  It made people think of me.  Kind of cool.  Plus, I really do love that song.

 

They used my port to put me to sleep in the operating room.  And they placed an IV afterward.  When I woke up, I laughed, because I saw that they had, had to make several attempts/pokes to place the IV, before they finally got it.  I was so glad that I hadn't had to experience that while I was awake.

I also laughed when they had me put on one of those shower-cap-looking hats, before surgery.  What a relief to know that my "hair" wouldn't get in anyone's way in the O.R.!!!

 

While I was sleeping, I dreamed that I was sitting with my (now deceased) Grandma Chellson.  We were holding hands.  I asked her if she could make me some French toast?  She said, "oh honey, I can't make you French toast.  But I'll find someone to make you some".

The nurses said I was talking about French Toast, in recovery.

So, they ordered some for me, from the kitchen.

When I made it to my hospital room, I didn't have to wait very long for my French toast to arrive.  Grandma did get someone else to make it for me!  Thank you, Grandma.

 

While I was in the hospital, Heather set up a GoFundMe account for my family.

I have been overwhelmed!  And grateful to everyone that has donated.

It has meant to much to us!  Thank you.

 

 

I spent two days in the hospital, directly after surgery.
I enjoyed having visits from friends and family.

And I was really happy to find that my chest wasn't "as flat as a pancake".  Tissue expanders had been installed and they gave me mound shapes.
Truly, I had been worried about how shocking it would be to see myself afterward...  I kept remembering all of the times I teased my little sister (before she went through puberty) that: "the walls were jealous of her" (you know, because her chest was so flat)! 
Wouldn't that have been poetic justice?

So, I went home.  It was late in the afternoon.
I immediately climbed in to my own bed.
That's when things get fuzzy...

I do remember feeling freezing cold.
I do not remember Nick taking my temperature.
Or, that my parents, and my sister were all at my house?

I do remember Nick telling me that I needed to get up, because we needed to go to the hospital.
But not that my temperature was 104 degrees!
I also do not remember getting in to the car to drive back to the hospital?  I'm pretty sure Nick had to carry me.

The moment that jolted me back to consciousness was when the ER doctor said that they needed to give me an IV.
Needles!  I hate them!

It was determined that my lung collapsed.  I ended up in the ICU at Huntsman Hospital for the next 3 days:

Since it hadn't been planned, I didn't take anything with me, for a stay-over.
Heather searched out some hats for me, downstairs in the lobby of the hospital.
My friends, Karen and Rebecca, brought me lotion, and chapstick.

Nick stayed with me during the day.
And when it was time for me to come home, my Dad drove up to the hospital to drive me to my house.


I feel like I have had some sort of appointment at Huntsman, every day, since my release.
But it's not bad.
In fact, the news has been downright miraculous!
I FINALLY got my genetic testing results.  No BRCA gene's for me!  Yay!  Genetics showed that I had an abnormality in my DNA, called "CHECK2", that lead to the Breast Cancer.  The good part is that no one else in my family needs to worry about it.

And since my pathology report showed that the surgeon cleaned all of the cancer out of my body!!!  I am resting so much easier.
The pathology report said that there was  more cancer in my ducts.  But since it hadn't turned "invasive", it doesn't count.   Also, my "tumor bed" (where the tumor was, before chemo broke it up), was enormous, but that wasn't earth shattering news either.  We already knew my tumor was an enormous sucker!
Yes, friends!  I can very nearly say that I am cancer free!
I meet with a Radiation Oncologist tomorrow, to set up a radiation schedule.  And I believe, that once I make it through radiation I can officially say that I am cancer free.

Other good news: I came home from the hospital with four drains sticking out of my chest.  As of this morning, all of the drains have been removed.  Good.  Because they were annoying.

My right arm, and two of the fingers on my right hand are numb, after the surgery.  The numbness in my arm will never go away, along with the numbness in my chest.  All of the nerves in those areas were removed with the tissue/lymph nodes.
But feeling should return to my fingers.

My hair is really coming in now.  By this time, next month, I may not have to wear a hat anymore!

Happy stuff at our house.
Even after Nick broke his ankle playing basketball, I didn't freak.  In fact, all I could do was laugh.  Really?!  REALLY?! Ha Ha.  At least we've already met our insurance deductible.  Go ahead, go to the ER.  LOL.
Nick's on the mend too.  He has a fun little knee scooter that he takes to work.  It's awesome.

Not awesome was my trip back to the chemo infusion chair on 12/18.
I was told that it would be easy, and short.   Yeah.  I 'm calling "liar, liar, pants on fire", on that.
I was at Huntsman for 7 hours that day.  And that night was miserable.  Night sweats came back, as did yucky diarrhea.
I can handle surgery recovery. 
And I can handle chemo.
But I cannot handle both of them at the same time!

At least I had my aunt Denise to keep me company during Chemo that day.  I am constantly amazed by the kindness of other people.  Denise took 10 hours out of her day, to help me out.
She also asked me what I had learned, so far, in this process?

Humility, and Gratitude.  For sure.
I have been helped so much, and in so many ways.  I am thankful to so many.

Also, this process has helped me heal so many relationships.
Dr. Laura says that the "mother-in-law/daughter-in-law" relationship is the most difficult relationship in the world.  I would say that is true.  But I would also say that it can be very rewarding.  I have grown such an appreciation for my mother-in-law.  She has been so helpful and caring through all of this, and I love it.
I also have a much better relationship with my parents, siblings, Nick's sister, my cousins, and my neighbors.
For as long as I can remember, I've had a list of people that I could "take-it, or leave-it" with.  And leaving-it would have been preferable.
These days, I want to have a good relationship with everyone I come in contact with.  My "shit-list" is down to only having one name on it!  I don't think it's ever been that short.

This Christmas is going to go down as the most memorable our family has ever experienced.  And it is definitely memorable in a good way.
We are so blessed.

Much love, and appreciation to all.

Blog Book Catch Up.

I get tons of emails from BlogtToPrint.  I'm probably one of their only remaining customers.  Ha Ha.

It's fine.

I like printing my blog book.

 

For my blog book: Heres' what happened in November.

 

At our church, the kids in the congregation performed a program during our main meeting, Sacrament Meeting.

In my opinion, Cohen was the highlight of the program!

 

He stepped up to the microphone and said (with jubilation!):

 

"I'm Tall!"

Then, an adult prompted him to say his line.  Which he did.  It was something about Temples.

 

The adult then said, in to Cohen's ear: "Good job, Cohen".

To which, Cohen said in to the Mic, "Good job, ME!".

 

It was great!

 

 

Everything was great, in fact.  During that week before Thanksgiving.

I got outside, and did four hours of yard work.  Cohen and Elsa helped.  It was glorious!  I put my yard "to bed" for the winter.  We raked leaves.  Mowed the lawn.  Mulched my flower bed.  Put all of the yard tools in the third car garage.  Hooray!



 

I was also able to help out in both of the girls' classes.

I went to Elsa's class and was able to lend a hand for their Thanksgiving Feast.

Look at that pretty pilgrim!

I went to Reagan's class and volunteered for a few hours.

I walked in to the classroom and all of the kids were up, out of their seats, playing Dance, Dance Revolution.  They were all really "in" to it!

Initially, I probably would have frowned on such an activity.  But their teacher seems to really know what he is doing.

Since Reagan started at the Learning Center, she comes home so much happier!  It has improved home life.

I feel like she's not trying to "hold it together" at school all day long, only to come home and fall to pieces.  And that's certainly saying something.

 

 

The week before Thanksgiving, Elsa and I went to see the Nutcracker at Weber State University.

I had started driving a lot more, during the month of November.  But only during the day.

Since the Ballet was at night, my friend, Karen offered to let Elsa and I ride with her, and her girls to the performance.

Oh! The music to the Nutracker is wonderful.

 

And, as you can see, I wore my wig to the ballet.

In that picture it looks pretty natural.

 

Below, oh boy.  You can tell my hair is fake.  No doubt.



My cousin Brenna, however, looks stunning!

I was SO happy to be able to attend her wedding.  I have some of the best cousins ever!

 

But back to my hair...

Insult to injury, my long-time hair stylist moved to Germany for three years!

I mean, I guess it's not totally bad news for me, because it'll probably take three years for my hair to get to a point where it needs to be cut.  But what am I supposed to do about my kids?

 

Who will cut their hair?

Like a lot of things, the answer to that will have to wait, until I am healthy.

 

I took Reagan and her school friend, Lauren, to see The Good Dinosaur.  You've gotta love how neither of them will look at the camera, for a picture!

 

Reagan HATES pictures.

We took the kids to Fotofly to get the Santa pictures done.

Reagan was not having it.  Period.

I thought, for sure, that this picture would be the beset one we could get:

Fortunately, Reagan softened a tiny bit, when she was given a candy cane.  So, we were able to get one good picture.

But oh boy, I was a nervous wreck, by the time we finished that 10 minute photo shoot!

 

The following day, we had a photoshoot for family Christmas card pictures.

Korie has been our photographer for so long, that she knows what she needs to do to get good pictures of our kids!

See:

 

And then, it was time for Thanksgiving!

For the third year, in a row, we ordered a smoked turkey from R&R BBQ.  Slam Dunk!  Deliciousness!

Nick made his famous mashed potatoes, and some cranberry compote.

I made pies, and pies, and pies.

 

Thanksgiving morning, it was windy and cold.

I braved the undesirable conditions, and ran the Turkey Leg 5K.

As always, I was glad that my neighbors, the Thomas', included me; and let me hitch a ride with them to and from the race.

Thanksgiving was wonderful.  We went to Nick's parents house and ate.

 

I'm not really sure about when it happened?  But Nick agreed to let his parent's golden retriever, Kona, come stay with us, temporarily.

Nick has shown me numerous articles, that outline the (supposed) benefits to having a loving animal in the home, when you have an autistic child.

Having Kona in our home was going to be a trial run.  If it went well, I was going to consider getting a dog.

I wasn't in love with the idea of having Kona in our house.  But I went along with it.

 

Who would have thought?!  It turned out to be a brilliant plan!

Reagan couldn't have cared less that we had Kona!

Elsa, on the other hand....

Was so happy to have someone to boss around (besides Cohen).  And Cohen was thrilled to be off the hook, from Elsa's usual tyranny.

 

Elsa wanted to be with Kona ever waking, AND SLEEPING, minute.







 

 

 

Everything turned out well.  Kona was happy to go back to Nick's parent's house.

And I was happy to realize that getting a dog wouldn't be the magic cure Reagan had needed!

 

 

Yes, the month of November was great.

I felt halfway normal.

It was nice while it lasted...

The good and the bad of today!

Brooke is getting some rest and healing. Thank you to everyone who has prayed for her or served her family in any way!

The BAD: Early this morning Nick was playing basketball and he broke his ankle! WHAT?? I couldn't believe it when Brooke told me! He spent the morning in the hospital getting it splinted.  Brooke has some great neighbors that took the kids while this was happening.  Also, Jenny, Brooke's sister in law, took Cohen to preschool. Thanks to everyone who pitched in to help and continue to help the Scheurer family!

The GOOD: Brooke got two of her drains taken out this morning and the other two will come out next week! Even better than that... the doctor told Brooke that they got all of the cancer during the surgery!!!!  I was crying as I got this news! I love my sister and that love has only grown through this experience! I am so happy that she is going to continue to recover and beat this!! It feels so good to know that even though the treatments have been brutal and the surgery completely horrible, the cancer is now gone from her body!

Please continue to pray for Brooke's family! She and Nick both need to heal now!

She's home

Brooke got home last night and was so happy to be sleeping in her own bed! She told me today that she felt like she'd been hit by a truck but she could handle it now that she could rest at home.  She wasn't too hungry but when I asked what I could do for her she said she wanted a Berry Good Doctor drink from Fiiz.  When I saw her she looked so much improved from Sunday I was so happy! She was up and walking around and said it is easier to breath deeply when she is up! Thanks to everyone who has prayed and helped her family out!!

In the hospital again. :(

Last night around 6:30 pm Brooke was running a fever for 102.  My dad and Nick gave her a blessing and she took some Tylenol. By 11:00 the temperature was up to 104.  Nick took Brooke into the ER while her wonderful neighbor kept Elsa overnight.  Cohen and Reagan were at my house.  Brooke was having a hard time breathing as well.
At first they thought it might be a pulmonary embolism (blood clot in her lung.)  After doing a chest x-ray and CT scan they ruled that out.  They moved Brooke from the U of U hospital to Huntsman Cancer Institute ICU.  Nick got home around 3:30 this morning and needed some sleep! I got up to the hospital around 9:30 to stay with her until Nick could come back.
She was looking much better than the night before! While I was there they did an ultra sound of both of Brooke's legs.  Both legs were free from blood clots! YAY! They also did an echo of Brooke's heart while I was there and that was normal too! All good news!
The doctor determined that Brooke has atelectasis .  A partially collapsed lung.  This can cause a temperature and the difficulty breathing.  They are having Brooke sit up instead of laying down.  They also want her to walk around more and are having her breath in a machine.  Her oxygen levels weren't staying up when I was there without the oxygen on Brooke.  They are keeping her overnight until her levels stay up without the oxygen on.  She should be able to come home tomorrow.
Thank you for your prayers!
Thank you Wendy for letting Elsa sleepover and getting her to school today! Also, to Jennifer Philpot for picking her up from school! AND Bev for getting Reagan off of the bus and keeping her until I could pick her up! Brooke has the best neighbors!!