So, the good news is that my hair is coming back. I can officially part it!
I suppose, it's actually a combination of things that have got me down...
I've thought about blogging, every day. But I literally have "nothing left in the tank" from sunup, until sundown; it seems.
I'm floundering.
By the end of last week, I felt like I was well acquainted with the "depths of despair". I've NEVER been someone that has struggled with depression (I am lucky, I know.). But, boy howdy, I sure felt like the "fight" had gone out of me.
Radiation makes me so tired. I have not had energy to get anything done.
On top of that, I came down with the flu. The real stuff. Not the 24 hour puke fest, that so many people refer to as the flu.
I ended up back at Huntsman with a temperature of 103.
When I was released, I quarantined myself in our guestroom for the next few days.
Those two setbacks, combined with (what feels like) a never ending winter... Will the snow ever melt?! And will I ever see the sun again? The Wasatch front has the nastiest inversion.
Lead me to feeling like I there was no light at the end of the tunnel.
Frankly, I am so tired of being knocked down. Metaphorically, speaking.
How many more times will I have to pull myself up by the bootstraps? I didn't know if I had it in me?
And then!!! I was reminded that I'm not in this by myself.
A storm blew away the inversion. And melted a lot of the snow. Thank you, Heavenly Father.
And my Grandma celebrated her 87th birthday.
For her birthday she asked that the family deep clean (her already immaculate) house.
After a crummy week, my parents told me that I didn't need to help with the cleaning. But I really wanted to go to Grantsville to celebrate the life of an amazing woman, who has been such a good example to me.
Reagan and Elsa had slept over at Kay's. Nick was working. So, I took Cohen with me. We washed walls. See my adorable nephew in the background?! Two handsome boys.
My Grandma's house was packed to the gills with Imlay's! It was wonderful.
Cousins, aunts, and uncles. I can't even remember the last time so many of us were in the same place, at the same time!
I wandered from room to room, marinating in the love; and listening to the conversation. And just plain finding happiness.
I didn't have to pull myself up by the bootstraps this time. My family lifted me up.
On a funny note: Cohen was fascinated with my Grandma's corded wall-phone.
He said, "Grandpa, what's that?".
And my Dad gave Cohen a tutorial in how a "real" phone works.
Beyond all of the gloom, I'll give an update on my cancer journey:
I have decided to continue with the chemotherapy that is administered every three weeks.
I wanted to call it off after that round that occurred directly after my mastectomy.
Just to recap, I'm having chemo drugs called Herceptin, and perjeta administered; as part of a study. In layman terms: these drugs suppress the HER2 in my body (that's the stuff that my specific cancer was "feeding" on). Usually, people only get Herceptin, and perjeta for a few months, while they are getting the heavy chemo drugs. But the study I am doing is looking to see if giving those drugs for an entire year lessens the chance that the cancer will recur?
This is what I can do to "pay it forward".
I had been under the impression that I would only be doing this until June. And of course, as soon as I decided to go forward with it I found out that I'd actually be getting the infusions until September!!!
But I'll make it work.
And it isn't all bad. I really do enjoy the part where people I love accompany me to chemo. It is so nice to be able to sit in the chair, and visit.
I could do without the side effects... Yes, I won't lose my hair with these types of drugs. But I continue to have perma-diarrhea, and I could certainly live without that.
The thing I cannot live without is a loving family. And I am so blessed to have one. Both immediate, extended, and friends that feel like family.
1 comment:
I had been wondering how you were doing! I'm so sorry radiation is harder than you expected. Keep fighting and we'll keep praying!
Post a Comment