Mom and Dad CAN Wait for School to Start Again.

It is beginning to look a lot like Christmas.  And it is looking this way, everywhere I go.  But one line from that great song isn't resonating with me: the one that says. "And Mom and Dad can hardly wait for school to start again!".  Yeah, we're not them.

I have been revelling in the time I have to spend with my kids while school's out.  It has reminded me that Reagan does have good days.

And when I look at her, sometimes I don't see a five-and-half-year-old.  I still see this little one:

18 months old.



The last day of school before Christmas break, Nick and I met with the principal, and Reagan's teacher.  All I can do is shake my head in frustration.  I feel like the school doesn't want to do anything to give Reagan special accommodations.

The first meeting we had scheduled, the principal canceled an hour before it was supposed to happen!  So, we had to wait another full week before we met with her.

I was really upset one day, before that meeting when I got a text from a Mom that was volunteering at the school; and she told me she witnessed the Principal dragging a crying Reagan down the hall.

I was in shock!  And I was already angry.  So, this made me angrier.

The principal said that she took Reagan out of class to observe her.

I don't want to re-hash it entirely; because thinking about it makes me even more pissed off.  But why couldn't the Principal observe Reagan in her classroom?

When I realized that Reagan didn't get two full weeks off of school, and that I have to send her back the day after New Year's, I inwardly groaned.  I truly don't want to send her back to school.  And can you blame me?

The analogy that the psychologist made was this:

Imagine being unbelievably averse to a particular smell.  This smell makes you sicker than anything (for those ladies who have been pregnant, I am sure this isn't a stretch for you :)

Now, imagine being sent, every day, to the factory where that smell is made!

That's what it is like for Reagan, when she goes to school.  P.E. is the worst for Reagan.

Before our meeting with the principal, I did a lot of prep work.

I even wrote up my own IEP/504 (Individual Education Plan).  I wrote goals for Reagan.  ie- less emotional outbursts, improved fine motor skills, etc...

And then I wrote the accommodations she would need in order to achieve those goals.  NO group PE was the #1 item on the list.  A classroom aide to help Reagan was #2 (they just added another child to her class.  Bringing the total to 27).  The Principal immediately shot down my request for an Aide.

I walked away from the meeting not feeling too angsty.  But the more I thought about it, after the fact, the more I realized that nothing had been formally put in to place to help Reagan.

The Principal said that the adaptive PE teacher needed to observe Reagan on 1/6; and that the school's OT was going to observe her on 1/7.  So, we're meeting again 1/10.  And hopefully, we'll make some progress.

Because I CANNOT continue this way.  I have been having nightmares about sending Reagan to school.  The apprehension I feel is seeping it's way in to my subconscious.  I can't even escape it when I'm sleeping.

Best case scenario would be for Reagan to get in to Spectrum Academy.  I think?  It's the charter school for kids on the Autism Spectrum.  But when I look at their test scores, and reviews...  It makes me wonder if that is the answer either.  Their ranking, by the state is really low.  I don't know if that is because they have a higher-than-normal concentration of children with learning disabilities?

And a lot of the parent reviews, that I've found online, haven't been too flattering.  But then, there have been glowing reviews as well...

To date, I have not had a positive opinion of Charter schools (in UT).  So, when I found out that Spectrum Academy was a charter school I wasn't thrilled.

But what other options do I have?

I don't think home schooling Reagan would be a good idea.  Her area of struggle is in social settings.  I know I could get her the academics she needs.  But keeping her out of public would be detrimental.

Lately, Nick and I have noticed that Reagan has really been pulling away from doing things in public.  She doesn't want to go to the movies.  Or on play-dates.

She has told us that she just wants to stay home.

Part of me really wants to let her.

Compounding my frustration is the fact that I don't see any clear answer for her.

I hate forcing her to go to a place that makes her miserable (school).

I am trying to steel myself toward sending her back to school.  And I'll continue educating myself, and wracking my brain trying to find solutions; about ways to help make my little girl's life enjoyable.