Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow...



The two things I loved most about my appearance: my hair and my smile.

I was having a very difficult time coming to grips with the fact that I was going to lose my hair, after I found out that I had cancer.

 

It has been traumatic, for sure.  But I'm coming around to "owning it".

 

My hair grows SOOOO slowly.  It took me 6 years to grow it to the length it was before chemo. 

And, yes, that was my natural color.

No dye jobs for this girl.

Back in the spring, my hair was getting kind of brittle; and it was growing extra slowly (more so than usual).  I blamed it on my hypothyroidism.  But now, I wonder if it was because of the cancer?

But I was still proud of my long locks.

I had Suzanne (the girlfriend that has been doing my hair since before Nick and I got married!) put in some hair extensions, to boost my volume.   It was awesome.

 

The morning of my MRI, I was frantically pulling the extensions out, because I couldn't keep them on, since they were held in by metal clips.

 

It was the beginning, of the end.

 

My Dad scheduled Imlay family pictures for a few days before I was set to cut my hair.

They turned out beautifully.

I decided that I wanted to lose my hair in stages.
I went for the short faux hawk first.   I'm still trying to decide where to donate all of the hair I cut off?  I'm between Pantene Great Lengths (I've donated to them before), OR Matter of Trust (they use the hair to help clean up ocean oil spills).

I kept that haircut for a lot longer than I thought I would.

All the while, I was accumulating head scarves and hats.

I was taking stock of the head scarves I have (the majority of them have been gifts), and I was over the moon at the fact that they have all come from locations around the globe.
When Nick and I went to Ecuador I purchased two scarves.  They have been sitting in storage for years, but now I've finally been able to use them.
My cousin, Katherine sent me two scarves from London.  Boden, baby!
Helga sent me scarves from Berlin.
NZ Kris sent me scarves from Rotorua.
Stephanie sent scarves from Seattle.
Lindsay brought a scarf from Boise.
Jill gave me a scarf from SLC.  LOL
And Michele gave me a Coach scarf.  Not exotic, but fabulous, nonetheless.
I purchased silk scarves for myself.  Thinking they would feel great.  And they do!  But they do not stay on very well.  I am so grateful for the cotton scarves everyone else gave me.

After Round 1, of chemo, my hair was still "hangin' tough".
I told my oncologist that I was going to be mad, if I didn't lose my hair!
She said I was the first person she'd ever heard say that.
But I figured, there was no way I would have cut it, if I had thought I was going to keep it.

My oncologist also said that her money was on me losing my hair by Tuesday.

Monday night, I went to Suzanne's house, and asked her to buzz my head.

Suzzanne said it was the first time she'd ever buzzed a girl's head.

A lot of firsts, where my hair was involved!

Suzanne got teary, as she removed my hair.  She started reminiscing about all of the things she's done to my hair, over the years.  Perms.  Extensions.  The like.
It was tough.

And, sure enough!  Tuesday morning.  The hair started coming out:

In the shower, I lost so much that it stopped up the drain.
Cleaning it out was one of the hardest things I ever had to do.

I've been bald-ish for nearly a month, now, and it still shocks me EVERY time I look in the mirror.
I don't recognize myself.

For the first two weeks I was sporting a permanent hat.  Even while I slept.
The sensation of a breeze on my scalp was uncomfortable.  I still don't love it.
One morning, I wore my hat running.  It was soaked with sweat by the time I finished.
The next morning I said, "screw this".  And I became the bald runner.

These days, at home, I rarely cover my head.
My kids don't give me a second look.  Reagan is a lot more comfortable with my new "look" than she was at first.  Katherine ordered and sent my kids "chemo Barbies".  They're kinda creepy, but at least it doesn't make me the only bald lady in the house.  Ha ha.

Here are pictures from the wig shopping trip:

The ones above, where just for funsies.  The ones below were the final contenders:



I ended up going with the one on the right.

Helga and Bob gifted the wig to me.  So kind.

I sent them a handwritten Thank You.  But Helga said the mail in Berlin is really screwy right now.  So, they may not get it?  I hope they do.  It meant a lot.

 

I have worn my wig a handful of times. 

Right now, with the menopause/hot flashes it is just so much easier to go "Au Naturale".

 

On the bright side, we're going through a lot less shampoo and conditioner.

 

So far, I have kept my eyebrows and eyelashes.  My arm hair too.

I still have to shave my legs.  But not my underarms.

Years ago, I had laser hair removal on my bikini line.  One of the best investments I've ever made.  And I am going to be really pissed off if I have "full regrowth" when my hair returns!  While I'm on that topic...  I should have had a Brazilian bikini wax done before I started chemo.  Losing the hair below the belt was itchy misery for several days.

 

All of the hair on the top of my head has not entirely fallen out.  I'm still sporting some dark peach fuzz.  I really wouldn't mind bic-ing it.  But my oncology nurse told me not too.  She said that, since my white blood cell count is so low, and I'm more susceptible to infection, I should not get a razor anywhere near my head because I could nick myself, or get an ingrown hair; and the last thing I need is for my body to have to fight an infection.  Even one as little as that.

 

Right after I buzzed my head, my Dad, Brother, and Brother-in-law all shaved their heads too.  Nick was eager to jump in to the fray as well.  But I begged him not to.  I appreciate that he wanted to display a show of solidarity; but I love his head of hair.  I also told him not to get a pair of clippers anywhere near Cohen's head either.  

 

So, there's the look I'm stuck with for the next few months.

I need to send a "shout out" to my Mom, and say thank you, for having an ugly mole removed from my scalp when I was 5 years old.  I have been really grateful for that.

I may look puffy.

I may have bags underneath my eyes.

I may be bald.

 

But at least I still have my great smile!

And it will be very interesting to see how my head hair regrowth happens?  I've heard that the majority of people experience a change in their hair.  Be it, color, or texture. After it comes back, following chemo.

 

If my body is taking requests...  I'd like to keep the same dark color, but I'd love to have curly hair.  Next time around.