Welcome to Holland

Reagan has an amazing primary teacher!
I think very highly of this particular neighbor, that loves and teaches Reagan at church.
This gorgeous woman has six children.  Her oldest son is a special needs child.
A few days ago, Reagan's primary teacher sent me this story via email.  I loved it so much, that I wanted to post it here.

WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by: Emily Perl Kingsley. c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met. It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy.

But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned." And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss. But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

Making Running a Family Affair.

Elsa has repeatedly told me that she wanted to run a race.

I found a kids 1K that was scheduled for a Saturday morning, and I signed her up.

 

At the starting line, Elsa was all smiles.

Then, they started the race.
When Elsa realized that she wasn't going to be able to win, she sat down on the grass and started crying.
I picked her up and started carrying her.  I didn't want her to fall even more behind the other runners.
I managed to convince her to run on her own.
And she did for a little while.

But keeping her going was a task.  She cried the entire race, because she just wanted to be the winner.
Lately, being a poor sport has been a big problem for Elsa.  And it's not one I know how to combat? 

Reagan doesn't have this problem.
And actually, I didn't even sign Reagan up to run the race.  I didn't think she'd have any interest.
She came to the race, to help us cheer Elsa on.
But once Reagan saw the race start, she couldn't contain her exuberance!  Reagan took off running.  I think she cut a few corners...  But she finished the race.
I wasn't sure about how to handle it, because I hadn't paid an entry fee for Reagan?
And I was going to catch her, and cut her off before she crossed the finish line...  But then I saw the determination on her face, and I couldn't bear to stop her.

The race organizers were kind, and they gave Reagan a medal for finishing, anyway.
Reagan was so happy when she reached the end of the race.
Elsa was...  Not as thrilled.

How do I teach Elsa to be a gracious loser?

I was exasperated, and proud of my girls, at the same time!

I may have to sign them up to run another race!

The following weekend, I did the Dirty Dash 10K with these lovely ladies:

I tried to cover all of my bases, to ensure that it was an enjoyable experience.  And I did pretty well.
There wasn't an ounce of cotton to be found in my clothing.  And that intentional choice paid off.  My socks didn't give me blisters, and mud didn't cling to my spandex top or bottoms.
I paid $6 to have a warm shower at the end.
I opted to be the driver for the event.  Fortunately, Jody Wilkinson Acura had just sent me a coupon for a discount on having my car detailed.  So, I figured that if I got mud in my car, I could just have someone else clean it up.
For the record, there wasn't any mud in my car, after we got home.  But I still took my car in to be cleaned.

However, my choice of footwear wasn't wise.
I didn't feel like any of my three pairs of Brooks running shoes were "used" enough to warrant being ruined.
So, I wore a very old pair of Nike's I had kicking around in my closet.
Either choice wasn't going to be ideal.
I chose to go the route where my feet paid the price, rather than the shoes.  In hindsight, I should have worn a pair of Brooks.
Halfway through the race (when we started heading downhill), I could tell that my big toes were hitting the front of my shoes.   It hurt.

 

In the end, I felt like that 10K beat me up far more than any other race I've ever run.
Three of my toes were victims of runners toe. 
It's two weeks later, and one of my big toes is still black and blue.  I'm honestly surprised my toenail hasn't fallen off yet.
I also had numerous bruises and scratches.
My elbows were really scraped up, and I had to get dozens of splinters out of them.

But I'd do it again.

September 2014

Elsa started her second year of pre-school. 

Every time I would snap her picture, Cohen would take a step closer to her.  He just wanted to be close to his sister.  These two are two peas in a pod.  Cohen has missed Elsa while she's been gone on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday mornings.
When I found out that I was pregnant with Cohen, I wasn't excited.  To say the least. 
Cohen and Elsa are 14 months apart in age.  That was NOT planned.
And in the past six months, I have FINALLY started to see the benefits of having them be that close in age.
One of these days I will learn to stop questioning God, and it won't be in hindsight that I'll realize he has my best interests are heart...
Sometimes Reagan interacts with her siblings.  And sometimes she is nice to Elsa.
But on the (many) days when Reagan is having real ASD symptoms... It has been such a blessing for Elsa and Cohen to have each other.  They play well together.

I love these two chuckleheads!

Here are Reagan's first day of school pictures:

Since I didn't get them posted, when I blogged about her eventful first day of school...

On the day that I went to Reagan's school, and talked to all of the 1st graders about Reagan's ASD, Nick took Elsa and Cohen to the Aquarium. 

I went on a field trip with Reagan's class, to the Discovery Gateway Children's Museum.  The last time I took Reagan there was when she was still an only child.  So, 5 years ago?
I felt the museum was the same, same, same.  Only dirtier.
I'm glad I didn't have to pay admission to go there.
The Treehouse Museum in Ogden, is so much better.

BYU football season has started!  Hooray!
Nick and I flew solo, and went to the BYU vs. Houston game.
But we took Cohen and Elsa with us to the BYU vs. Virginia Game (Reagan opted to go to Nick's parents house.  She isn't much in to the crowds and noise).

Cohen kept himself busy by taking "selfies":

Elsa is my True-Blue fan!  She loves the football games.
Both kids were exhausted, and fell asleep in the car, on the way home.  No surprise there.

Oh, and I have to mention that we ate at a restaurant called: Cubby's Chicago Beef, before the Virginia game.  Foodie Heaven!  We'll definitely be going back there.  I had a tri-tip sandwich with mustard bbq sauce, it was delectable!  And Nick had a hamburger that was one of the best I've ever tasted.

I'm still a Yelp Elite.  I like Yelp.  And Yelp likes me too.
Over the summer, Yelp treated me (and Nick.  He's been my +1)  to dinner at Cupbop (a Korean BBQ food truck)- check it out!  And a 5-course meal at Longhorn Steakhouse.  Even though Longhorn is a chain, the food was really good!
Yelp also sent me 2 Gold passes to SLC ComicCon!
Nick and I debated about taking the kids...  The week of ComicCon was also a week that we had two other events going on, that called for me hiring a babysitter.  Since I knew I'd already be dropping more than $100 on babysitting services, we decided to take the children with us to ComicCon.

Cohen and Elsa had a blast!  They thought it was cool.

History has shown that ComicCon wouldn't be something Reagan would enjoy.  But I ignored that knowledge.  I thought; maybe this time will be different?

It wasn't. 
The crowds.  The noise.  The scary costumes.
Sensory overload.
Reagan ended up on the floor.  She didn't want to move.  She just wanted to leave.

Nick took Reagan outside.  Elsa didn't want to leave.
We managed to get a few more photos.  I was so proud of Elsa.  She walked right up to Spiderman and asked if she could take a picture with him.

Once outside, Reagan was fine.
I let Reagan put on her Toothless the dragon (from the movie: How to Train Your Dragon).  And Reagan thought it was pretty cool when she was able to meet Astrid, and another Toothless:

See, Reagan looks much happier, once we escaped the confines of the Salt Palace.

 

Reagan was invited to a birthday party at Chuck-E-Cheese.  I accompanied her.  And was surprised at how not-awful it was.  All of the kids had a great time.  The Chuck-E-Cheese employees were all genuinely enthusiastic, and interacted well with the kids.  I never thought I'd entertain the idea of having a birthday party at Chuck-E-Cheese...  But maybe?



A few things that happened in September, that I didn't get pictures of:
Elsa's well-child appt. with Dr. Swensen.  Elsa's doing very well.  And she's in the 90th percentile for height :)
Reagan and Elsa participated in the Children's Primary Program, during worship service.  Elsa was on the front row, and every time she'd stand up to sing; she'd smile and wave at me and Nick.  Every time.  And when she wasn't waiving.  She was dancing and swaying to the songs she was singing.  It was adorable!
And finally, I started teaching piano lessons on a weekly basis, again.  We're doing a baseball-themed rotation right now.  I'm trying to think up fun things for the kids to do, to motivate them to practice.  We're having a baseball party for Group Theory, in October.
I'm toying with the idea of building gingerbread houses, for group theory in December.  I may do practice charts that help them earn different pieces of the gingerbread house...  I'll tackle that when we get back from vacation next month.

Stay Awhile, Summer!

Nick's parents acquired a new dog.  Kona, is a female golden retriever; and for Reagan, it was love at first sight.

We've spent a few summer nights at Nick's parents' house playing, so that Reagan can hang out with Kona.

 

In this picture, the kids were all getting "on their mark" to run a race.

Nick's parent's are in the process of re-landscaping their yard.  Cohen had a fun time playing in the dead grass.

At the beginning of the summer I made a list of outings, that I thought the kids might enjoy.  Going hiking at Mueller Park was one of the last things on the list that we had not done.
So, on an overcast Friday, Nick got off of work early and we took the kids up the canyon.
It was perfect!
Not too hot.
And the tree canopy gave us plenty of cover from the rain.

Reagan and Elsa did really well, and walked the entire time.  Cohen, however, wanted to be carried.  We made-do with what we had, to carry Cohen.  A poor man's Kelty backpack, I suppose?

Elsa had the best time, of all of the kids.  I thinks she could have hiked all of the way to the top!  Reagan wanted to turn around, about a mile in to the hike.  So, I took her back.  Elsa stuck with Nick and Cohen (who was still being carried); and they went on.

At the bottom of the trail, there's a small River.  Naturally, Reagan wanted to play in the water.
At one point she fell in the water.  But it didn't phase her.
It was an ideal way to spend the afternoon.

The Friday, during the first week of school, I picked Reagan up as soon as school was dismissed at 1:25PM; and I took my kids to the zoo.
We all needed to engage in some fun, after that intense week!
We had a blast!
The zoo wasn't too busy.  And we hadn't been there since they opened the new safari exhibit.

It was wonderful.

My hope is that Summer sticks around for another month.
I love the warm weather.

Email Content By a Smother Mother.

I'm feeling the love!
I have had several friends email me about my last post.  And it has cheered me up!
This week has been so much better!
I am glad that I don't have to do another "Debbie downer" post!

My BFF, Jill, emailed me.  With many suggestions, in regard to what to do about the current events in my life.
I responded to her, and I am just going to include my response, in this blog post.  So that I don't have to re-type everything.
Here it is:

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

You've always been more of a "problem solver", and less of a "commiserate-r"  :)  I mean that in a complimentary way.  I know you are just trying to help.  And I really appreciate all of the time & thought you put in to your email!  I "know" I need to let go.  But most of the time I don't know HOW to let go.  I think about that article that said Mom's with 3 kids are the most stressed, frequently.  I won't be having another kid, so that won't be the thing that relieves me of being anal :)

You are one of the few people that still read my blog.  I don't think my parents even read it any more.

After I put all of my thoughts down in type, and publish them, I often want to go back and edit; or erase.  Most of the time I don't act on that impulse.  Just getting all of thoughts out in writing is therapeutic for me.  I type it up, and try to move on.

I am well-aware of the fact that I look like a helicopter Mom, where Reagan is concerned.  I always envisioned that Reagan would be a typical eldest-child, that was a self-starter, go-getter, etc...  She is not.  I really have to pick my battles.  If she feeds herself bfast in the AM, I call it a success, even if it means that I have to dress her, brush her teeth, walk her to school- and wait with her until her teacher comes to get her.

I've done the Love and Logic parenting course TWICE!  I can use the tools I learned there with successful results, on Cohen and Elsa.  But Reagan is a different story.  Reagan never has been able to grasp "if... then..." statements.  Parenting Reagan is a completely different ballgame.

 

I know I told you, over the phone, that this summer has been a killer!  She has given me a run for my money.

I was completely exasperated, that first week of school.  I felt like I had done everything possible, to pull 1st grade off, without a hitch; and that didn't happen.  My Mom always said that I was her child that would "crash and burn" if things didn't turn out the way I expected them to.   Hmmmm....  Maybe the reason Reagan reacts similarly isn't entirely because of the Autism Spectrum Disorder?!  Ha ha.

 

There were other things I should have included in my blog post, that slipped my mind, until after the fact.  Not to mention, that it was a ridiculously long post anyway.

As far as help from the school goes...  Last year, when I was working to get Reagan help: I wanted her to have a 504 (if a special needs child has a 504 they get to keep it though their entire school career- even college!), not an IEP (IEP's expire every 3 years).  The school was pushing an IEP.  I had done my homework, and I knew it was because the school got funding through the government when they did IEP's (through the IDEA initiative), but that they didn't get any financial help if they put a 504 in place.  Of course, they wanted to give Reagan an IEP.  I told them I'd make the concession and let them put Reagan on an IEP, even though it wasn't what I wanted.  I was trying to show them that I wasn't entirely rigid, and hoping the whole thing would be more of a "give-and-take" situation.  That is why I was so frustrated!  I know they are getting money (even if it is a miniscule amount), by having Reagan be on an IEP; and I think she should have extra services.

Also, at one point, last year, I told Reagan's principal that Reagan's IEP case worker was either: "an evil genius, with designs to drive me insane.  Or, the most unorganized/inept employee in Davis School district".  Reagan has the same case worker this year.  Last year, she said she'd meet with me before the end of the school year to discuss Reagan moving in to 1st grade.  When I called her to set up an appt. she never returned my phone call.  She did sent home a note, on the last day of school, saying that she'd contact me over the summer, so that we could meet before school started.  But she never did that.

When I submitted a written request to have an IEP meeting for Reagan, her case worker called me, and the first thing she said was "Hi, this is so-and-so, I am going to be Reagan's case worker; and I can't wait to meet you...".  OK???  I know she's busy.  And she probably is a case worker for 20 different kids.  Moving on...

I know Reagan is going to have to deal with "real world" situations.  I'm not completely naïve. :)

But for Reagan, the playing field isn't level.

If this same scenario had played out for Elsa; I wouldn't be nearly as "up in arms".  Elsa can stand-up for herself.

As far as emotional age goes, Elsa is head and shoulders ahead of Reagan.

I probably could have handled the situation with the "spunky girl" being mean to Reagan, over the summer, differently.  But it wasn't the first time that there had been a poor interaction between them; the problem was that Reagan just didn't "get it".  It had been making me crazy that Spunky Girl hadn't been nice to Reagan in the past, and Reagan was oblivious to it.  So, I told Reagan the truth, when she asked. 

Reagan takes everything very literally.

I've been getting a kick out of watching the TV show, Parenthod because one of the characters has autism; and he and Reagan have so many behavioral similarities.  For Reagan it is impossible for her to discern what other people are feeling.  Most of the time, Reagan asks me if things make me happy, or sad, etc...

Reagan is really impressionable.  So yes, I am probably a crazy/controlling Mom; where she is concerned!  But I'd far prefer for Reagan to pick things up from me, than other people.  Everything is black and white, for Reagan.  She thinks that the words: "Stupid, and Hate" are 4-letter words.  And she chastises people that  use them.

When I was speaking to her about not chasing boys at recess, she told me that she does it because they yell, "oh! crap", and she said she thinks it's funny!  She has no idea...

So, I'm just doing the best I can to mold my sweet, oblivious girl.

Funny sidenote: a few weeks ago, I was driving the kids somewhere and a car accident happened right in front of us.  I got out of the car to help, and the driver that caused it was obviously drunk.

When I got back to the car, the kids wanted to know why it happened.

I explained to them, that the man had been drinking alcohol; and that alcohol makes you "lose control", and that is why the accident happened, because drinking alcohol and driving was a really bad choice.

Well, later that week, Nick and I took Reagan to dinner with us.  The couple next to us ordered drinks.  When the waiter brought the beer bottles out, Reagan asked ."Dad, is that beer?".  Nick said, "yes".  And Reagan shrieked, "They're going to lose control!"

The couple heard her, and they discreetly asked the waiter to move to a different table :)

I thought it was comical.

It just illustrates the differences that Reagan has.  I feel like she is a true innocent.

But she's also been out of control, where her emotions are concerned, and the past few months have been very trying. 

I wish Reagan and Elsa could be "best buds" the way your boys are!

Reagan CONSTANTLY asks to do play dates.  Constantly.

I wish she was content to stay home.

Sometimes my girls play together really well.  And I think Heavenly Father knew precisely what he was doing when he sent Elsa to me.  She is so forgiving and patient with Reagan.

When Reagan wants to play NICELY with Elsa, Elsa is on "cloud 9".

But more often, than not; over the summer I felt like I was spending the majority of the day trying to find separate activities for Reagan to engage in; because when Reagan was around Cohen and Elsa I had to watch her like a hawk.  I never knew what was going to set Reagan "off"?  And in the blink of an eye she would go from being nice to her siblings, to physically beating on them.

When we spoke, a few weeks ago, you really talked me down off a ledge.  It made such a difference to me, when you pointed out that Reagan's kindergarten experience was an anomaly.  And that most teachers realize how much parents love their children. 

My mind was completely at ease.  I was OK with Reagan starting 1st grade, mostly because of our conversation.

I wasn't expecting to be thrown for a loop, the way I was, with the whole "spunky girl" situation!

You know me.  I overreact.

I am in a far more "zen" state of mind this week.

I ended up sending Nick to the IEP meeting with the school administrators, in my stead.

He is so much more calm, and rational than I am!

I'm a hot-head.  And considering how emotionally charged I was already feeling....  Sending Nick to meet with Reagan's IEP team was a lot better idea.

He came home and said that the meeting went well.

That Reagan's teacher genuinely wants to help her, and supported our request to get a temporary Autism Aide, from the school district, to come work with Reagan again.

We should find out later this week, if that will happen.

They are also going to continue having Reagan work with the occupational therapist, and they are going to start pulling her out of class, and giving her breaks in the afternoon.

I was shocked, and pleased!

I'm feeling warm and fuzzy toward Reagan's teacher.

I'm feeling a lot better about Reagan's prospects at school.

Where Reagan's concerned, I'll never be able to put my parenting on "cruise control".  But today, I have one less stressor on my plate.

I am so grateful that I have friends that care.  And I know there are people that care about Reagan, at her school.

Of course, things haven't turned rosy overnight.

Reagan is still a challenge!  Just this morning, she was freaking out and crying on the way to school.

I took a suggestion from your email, and proposed to Reagan that we say a prayer, and ask Heavenly Father to help her have a good day.  She sat on my lap, and we prayed.  It calmed her down enough to get her to her classroom.

Baby Steps.

I may always be crazily uptight.

But at least I have a relaxed husband, and wise friends to help me along the way.

KABOOM!

We took the kids to the Ogden temple open house.  I love this picture. I love my family.

I mean, I really love my family.
There's nothing that is more important to me.

Nick still makes me want to be the best person I can possibly be, so that I can feel like I deserve him.  My kids make me so proud.  They will achieve so much more than I ever did!

Everything that has happened with Reagan, this past year, has been tough.

Up until a few months ago, I was still in denial about Reagan being Autistic.  I could not bring myself to use that word to describe her.  I would freely say: sensory processing disorder, and I would wish that Asperger's still existed; so that I could say she had it.
This summer was an eye-opener for me.
No bones about it.  Reagan has Autism Spectrum Disorder.
It has been heartbreaking for me to watch her interact with other kids.  She's displayed classic symptoms: for instance, she will prattle on about topics that she fixates on- particularly: animals!  She thinks they are just as interesting to other people, as they are to her.  And she can't sense that others don't care.  I haven't had the heart to tell her that her friends don't find Harpy Eagles as fascinating as she does.

I enrolled her in a handwriting class, at the Children's Center.  Easter Seals was putting it on.  It was designed to help children with neurological disorders, that struggle with their fine motor skills.  I paid $175 for her to go once a week for 8 weeks.
In Reagan's class, there were 4 other boys. 
Reagan didn't love the class.  And she would let me know it.
I told Nick that it was disheartening to know that even in a class of kids with autism, Reagan was the worst behaved.
Reagan would fight me, about doing the handwriting work.  Like, physically.  If I would sit her on my lap, she would head-butt me.

That was the most difficult thing about this summer.  Reagan is getting too big for me to manhandle.   And there was a lot of that going on.

Also, she's never exhibited defiance before.  And this summer she had a very defiant attitude.
It was a constant struggle.
Any time Reagan didn't get her way, a fight was sure to ensue.

I was am exhausted!
It is no fun to constantly have your kid beating the crap out of you.
On top of that, if I don't let Reagan do what she wants, she will tell me that I am an "evil Mommy", or that "she doesn't love me".
I really do try not to say "No" to her requests.  As long as they are within reason.  But I'm not going to take a daily trip to Toys R' Us to buy her something.
And that's usually along the lines of what she wants.
When she doesn't get it...  Duck and cover!

I mentioned that, on her birthday, we went to the aquarium.
As soon as we walked in, I noticed that you had to exit through the gift shop.  I spent our time there, searching for an alternative exit (there wasn't one); and trying to prepare Reagan.  I told her that we weren't going to buy anything.
When it came time to go, we headed to the exit.
As soon as we walked in to the gift shop, Reagan asked if I'd buy her something?  I told her no.  She asked if she could touch things?  I told her she could touch every item in the store, if she wanted to.  But that we were not going to buy anything.

Of course, she found a stuffed animal that she wanted.
When I reminded her that we weren't buying anything, she freaked out.
Forget reasoning with her.  There's the fact that she already has a million stuffed animals at home, already.  And that the stuffed animal she wanted was $27.
It wasn't reasonable.
I had to fireman carry that girl out of the aquarium.  Maneuvering around the breakable items, to escape, was tricky.
Not to mention that it was a bazillion degrees outside that day.
I was sweating profusely.
I put Reagan down, and tried to get through to her.
She ran away from me, back toward the building.
I managed to get hold of her again, and started carrying her.   All the while, she was hitting, kicking, scratching, and screaming.
I noticed that (not one), but two security guards were following me.
I turned around to talk to them.  It was embarrassing.  They wanted to make sure I wasn't abducting Reagan.  She was kicking up that much of a fuss.

Then, there was the trip to Mrs. Cavanaugh's chocolate factory, the week before school started, that one of my neighbors put together.
I took my kids.  Because, #1- I like being social, and #2- I don't want to deprive Cohen and Elsa from being around their neighborhood friends.
Reagan did well while we were confined to a room watching a (boring) movie, at the start of the tour.
But once we started the tour of the factory, things went south.  There were other kids that were misbehaving, and Reagan was following their example.  I spoke to her and set up parameters.  But she just couldn't follow them, when other kids weren't.
I could tell that the employees at Mrs. Cavanaugh's were getting angry.  So, I picked Reagan up, and I told her we were leaving.  I asked Elsa to bring Cohen.
I was carrying Reagan, and she was hitting me in the face, because she didn't want to leave.
I made it to the parking lot, and I turned around to make sure that Cohen and Elsa were following me.
I saw my younger two holding hands and willingly following me.  I lost it.
Straight-up, I started sobbing, right then and there.

Some days are just hard.
And some days I feel like people are judging me, by my child's bad behavior.

As difficult as this summer was, I was DREADING the start of school.
I feel very strongly that Reagan is my responsibility.  As poorly as it makes me feel, when she "acts out" toward me; it makes me feel that much worse- when she does it to other people!  I have always tried to play Reagan "close to my vest".
Reagan only had one playdate, the entire summer.  And it would hurt my feelings to see the other kids from my neighborhood playing together, and not including Reagan.
It's one thing I still don't know how to address?  I can't blame the other little gals for not wanting to play with Reagan.  Reagan has a hard time engaging.  When other kids come over, Reagan will play pretend for a short period of time, and then she'll go off and want to do her own thing.  I'm not oblivious to this, and I have been so grateful to have Elsa.  Because Elsa will play with Reagan's friends, long after Reagan has retired.
The only kid I have seen Reagan play with for an extended period of time is her friend, Connor.  He is also on the autism spectrum, I know that has a lot to do with it.  Connor and Reagan both like their space.  Tender mercy, Connor just moved from Washington State to Rock Springs, WY.  So, we should be seeing him more.

Returning from that digression: I spent the summer running my tail off, trying to do things to help Reagan prepare for first grade.
I already mentioned the handwriting class.
I joined a support group for Mom's with kids on the Autism Spectrum.
I had Reagan meet with a psychologist at the Children's Center.
That psychologist referred us to a psychiatrist.
I also enrolled Reagan in a social skills class at the Children's Center.

It's just not in me to send Reagan to school, and take the attitude that she is their problem for the 6 hours, that she is there every day.

At the end of the school year, last year, I submitted the request form for the elementary school.  I didn't request a teacher.  I didn't request that Reagan be put in a class with her friends.  I only asked for one thing.  And that was that Reagan not be placed in a class with two little girls that had not been very nice to Reagan in the past.

Last year, one of the little girls would tease Reagan.  She would needle Reagan by saying things like, "you have a boy's name.  Why did you get named a boy's name?".  It would make Reagan cry.

The other little girl lived in our ward.  She had never been friendly with Reagan.  Last year, I was told that this girl would play "queen bee" at recess, and would not let Reagan play with the other little girls from our ward.
That girl is the youngest of 7 children.  I am sure that pecking-order has a lot to do with why she acts the way she does.  Not to mention, that she's naturally very spunky (to put it nicely).
Well, back in June her family decided to move out of their rental, and in to a house.  So, they weren't in our ward anymore, but they were still within the school boundaries for Burton Elementary.

A few weeks ago, I was outside with all three kids.  And this particular girl came riding down the street, on her bike, with another little girl that lives a few houses away from us.
The spunky girl yelled at Reagan, as they rode past: "You can't play with Julia (the other girl), because I'm playing with her!".
Reagan looked up at me, and asked, "was she being mean to me?".
I told Reagan that the girl wasn't being nice...
Reagan started to cry.

The spunky gal looked over her shoulder, back at us, and turned her bike around.
I wondered if she was going to come back and apologize?

Nope.
She stopped her bike right in front of Reagan and me, and shouted, "I said... you can't play with Julia right now.  We don't like you!".

I'd had enough, at that point.  And I raised my voice, and told spunky to leave!  Now!

That incident lead to Reagan having a crying jag that lasted a good hour.

Naturally, I didn't want  Reagan to have to deal with that girl this school year.

I found out who Reagan's teacher was.  I felt like she got the best teacher in 1st grade!  I also found out that they were putting all of the "special needs" kids in one class together; and there were supposed to be two aide's in the class to help out (this week, I've only seen one aide in the class?  but there's been too much going on for me to ask where the other aide is?).

I emailed Reagan's teacher, and gave her a heads-up about Reagan's quirks.
She telephoned me, and we decided to meet, the Friday before school started.
She told me that she had the largest class, by far, of all the 1st grade classes.  But that she was OK with that, because it meant that 9 more kids would need to move in to the school boundaries; before one was added to her class.
Also, while I had her on the phone, I asked, "if it was within her discretion, could she tell me if (the two girls I had requested not be in Reagan's class) were on her class list?".  She told me that neither name was there.
They posted the class lists a week before school started.  Both of the girls were not in Reagan's class.

Thursday, before school started, I showed up to back to school night.  Lo, and behold; spunky girl and her Mom were sitting in Reagan's classroom!
Spunky girl's Mom signed up to be classroom Mom.
I hardly heard a word the teacher said during her presentation to the parents.  My heart was in my toes.

When the teacher was finished, I asked her, "what the?!"...
She said, that just that morning, she had been handed a new class list, and that spunky girl's name had been added.
She said she spoke to the principal, because she knew I'd have a problem with it!
Apparently, spunky girls' Mom had gone to the principal's office that morning, guns blazing, insisting that her daughter be moved to the class Reagan was in.

I high-tailed it to the principal's office, myself.
She admitted that the mistake had been hers.  She hadn't remembered my special requests.  Other people were vying for the principal's attention, it was back to school night, after all.
The way the principal left it, that night, was: that if that girl stepped one-toe out of line, that first week of school, she was gone.

I got home, and was telling Nick about it.  I started getting really upset.
I tried to go to bed, but my brain was racing.
I didn't want to disturb Nick with all of my tossing and turning (and crying), so I moved to the guest room.
If I slept that night, it wasn't for long.

I still felt awful the next morning.
Nick told me to let it go.  But I couldn't.
I was upset about the fact that I had tried to handle this situation discreetly.  And that I had "played by the rules".  I had submitted my requests for this school year, on time, last year.
I felt like I was getting dumped-on, because the principal didn't want to "eat crow" with that other parent.
Bottom line: last year was a year from hell, thanks to Reagan's crazy teacher.
Both Reagan and I needed an uneventful school year, this year.  We needed the respite!

The principal and I ended up exchanging some emotionally-charged emails on Friday, and Saturday.

On Friday, I took Reagan to the school to meet her teacher.  Of course, this topic came up.  Her teacher told me that it might be a good thing to have Spunky girl in the class, so that she could learn to be nice to Reagan?
She might have been right?
But I was just not feeling up to dealing with that this year. 

Saturday, the principal told me that I had made some very valid points.  And that she would be moving Spunky girl to another class.

Monday morning!  The first day of school.
I took Reagan to school.
I had been home for less than two minutes, after dropping Reagan off, when my doorbell rang.  I looked out my window, and I didn't see popcorn popping!  Nope.  I saw the car, that spunky girl's Mom drive, in my driveway.
I asked Nick to answer the door, so that I could have a few seconds to mentally prep for the imminent confrontation.

Because nothing can ever be easy, I have to note that there are things that made this whole situation even more sticky...   The house that spunky girl's family moved in to (when they moved out of my ward) is down the street from my parents.  They live in my parent's ward now.
Reagan's 1st grade teacher ALSO lives in my parents ward. 
Drama.

So, I found my backbone, and went to the front door.  The Mom was crying, and was visibly upset.  She said that I didn't look excited to see her.  I wasn't.
At that point, my phone started ringing.  I could see that someone from the elementary school was trying to call me.  But I didn't answer.
Then, I heard Nick's phone ringing.  I couldn't hear the conversation, because he was in another room.

During the course of the conversation, I found out that the principal had called her Saturday night; to tell her that they were moving her daughter to another class, and framed the reasoning behind it as: there were too many kids in Reagan's particular class already.
I guess it didn't sit with that Mom very well, because she went to the school Monday morning, and spoke to Reagan's teacher.  I'm still not sure why Reagan's teacher gave specifics?  Why couldn't she have said that "a parent" was behind the push to move the little girl?  Why did she have to disclose my identity?!

Anyway, the angry Mom went to the principal; and wanted the principal to call me!  She wanted me to come to the school so that we could all meet together.
The principal told her she wasn't going to do that.
So, the Mom got in her car; and came to me, instead.

The principal tried calling me, to warn me.  But she was a little too late.
The principal ended up talking to Nick :)
In the end, I am glad that the principal was looking out for me.
I now feel very awkward around Reagan's teacher.  We have spoken several times since the incident, and she hasn't addressed anything.
It's just another thing that's giving me anxiety.

Reagan DID make it safely through her first day of 1st grade.
When she came home from school, she had grass in her hair.  She said the boys were throwing grass at her, at recess.

Tuesday, I found out that Reagan got in trouble, because the recess duty said that Reagan was instigating a grass fight.
Wednesday, Reagan got in trouble because she was chasing the boys.  When they told her not to, and she didn't stop, they started pushing her.

Also on Tuesday, I got a call from the Children's Center.  I had an appt. for Reagan to meet with a psychiatrist on November 14th.  But they had a cancellation for that day, at 1PM; and wondered if I wanted to bring Reagan in?
I jumped at the chance.
The psychiatrist met with us for two hours.
She said that, in addition to the ASD, and SPD; Reagan has problems with anxiety.  She prescribed Zoloft.  We'll see if that helps?

Last year, I had specifically requested that an Autism Aide from Davis County School District be assigned to Reagan for the first week of school, to help her transition in to 1st grade.
I was told "no".  And it was suggested that I accompany her on her 1st week of school.

I thought that was the worst idea.  Reagan's behavior around me, is the worst!
I decided I would just join Reagan for lunch, each day.

On Wednesday, I was one minute late, getting to the lunch room.  And Reagan had dissolved in to tears.  She thought I wasn't coming.

I sent an email to Reagan's IEP team, requesting a meeting.  I outlined a laundry list of things I wanted to see added to her IEP.
I got a call from Reagan's case worker, to tell me that they've scheduled the meeting for Tuesday @ 8AM.
I told her, that the date/time wasn't ideal; because Nick has to work that morning, and Elsa's preschool orientation was at 9AM.  I don't want to feel rushed!
Reagan's case worker told me that the mtg. would only last 15 minutes; so I'd be fine...

I'm not stupid.  If the meeting is only lasting 15 minutes, it means that they're either going to give me precisely everything I requested; and all I will be doing is signing off on a revised IEP.
However, I highly doubt that is going to be the case!
A more likely scenario will be that they are going to tell me no, to everything.  And send me on my way.  By law, they have to respond to my request for a meeting, and they are doing the bare minimum.

I can tell that Reagan's teacher is frazzled.  She said that Reagan's handwriting is really poor.
Reagan had made such strides, in handwriting last year.  But the stuff she has brought home this first week of school...  Man!  She's regressing.
I cannot believe I paid for her to take that handwriting class over the summer!

I have been exploring other options, like crazy.
Carmen B. Pingree school for children with Autism would be too sterile an environment for Reagan.
Spectrum Academy won't be an option this year, Reagan's name was one of the last ones they drew in their lottery.
Challenger Private School won't take her.  Since they don't receive any government funding, they don't have recognize IEP's; and they aren't required to do anything to help special needs children.
Ascent Academy, in Farmington might be OK?  But again, I just cannot stomach sending my kid to a charter school.

I asked the psychiatrist whether I ought to inquire about putting Reagan in the class, at the elementary school, that the handicapped kids attend.  And she said "No!".  That Reagan is too smart to be in that class.

I did go to the school on Thursday, to talk to Reagan's class about Reagan having Autism Spectrum Disorder.  I ended up presenting to the entire first grade.  I didn't mind.
At the end of it all, Reagan's teacher told me that she had, had several kids from the class tell her that they were sticking up for Reagan at recess, and telling other kids to be nice to Reagan.
I know she meant well.  And I know she was telling me that, so that I'd be happy that Reagan had people looking out for her.
But it broke my heart.
It means that kids are teasing Reagan, and being unkind.

I am flailing.
I have no idea what to do?
Nick says I'm stressing out about it, too much.  But if I don't?  Who will?
I am terrified that Reagan is going to take things too far at school, unintentionally.  I've tried to talk to her about not chasing boys, at school.  And she told me that she thinks it is a game.  What can I do about that?

What can I do about any of it?
I've felt like I might explode.  I'm doing my part.  If I had deep enough pockets to afford to hire an autism aide for Reagan, I would!  As it is, we're already spending a great deal, trying to help her.  Reagan's required, by law, to go to school.  But I don't feel like I am getting any help from the school, in regard to her situation!  Forget about meeting me half-way.  They aren't even meeting me a 10th of the way.

Why can't things be easy?

Imlay Family Vacation

Wolf Creek 2014.

My side of the family is growing.  Between my parents, siblings, their spouses; and all of our kids there are 15 of us now!

My Dad generously treated us to another weeklong vacation in Eden, UT at the Wolf Creek Resort.  This year, he rented an 8 bedroom home.  To say that there was enough space for all of us, was an understatement!   It was amazing.

We started things off by celebrating Elsa's birthday.

While we are on vacation, each Imlay child takes a turn cooking dinner.  It makes for good eats!  Nick and I were up first, and Nick make fettuccine alfredo, from scratch.  That was on Monday night.

On Tuesday, the (adult) boys went golfing.
The rest of us put the hot tub to good use.  We also spent a lot of time in the theater room, watching movies.

I made an effort to get up early, each morning, to run.  The scenery was gorgeous, but even on vacation, I can't escape running hills!

On Wednesday we went to Pineview Reservoir.
It turned out to be the perfect day for boating!  It was overcast, and the temperatures were in the 80's.  No one got sunburned.

Cohen may look unhappy in this picture, but at the end of the day; I think he had the most fun of all of us!  He loved playing in the water, going on the boat, and riding on the tube.

I posted some of these pictures on Instagram.  Jeff, my brother-in-law, thanked me for not tagging his "moob".  You're welcome, Jeff.

We played for 9 hours that day.  It was a lot of fun.
I really didn't want to get in the water.  I was just fine sitting on the beach, or riding on the boat.
Nick kept needling me to get on the tube.
Near the end of the day, I finally gave in, and climbed on the tube with my brother, Brian, and Reagan and Elsa.

Everyone said it would be fine to have two adults, and two kids on the tube.  They were wrong.  At one point, Brian and I both moved, at the same time; and the tube flipped!  We all went in the drink.

I hit the surface, and saw Brian holding Reagan.  But I couldn't see Elsa!  I was in full-on Mommy panic mode!  One of the scariest moments of my life.
I was screaming for Elsa!
My Dad pulled the boat closer, and Nick calmed me down.  He said that Elsa was fine.

Turns out, that little monkey had been the only one that had been able to hold on to the grips on the tube!  She was still holding on to the tube, I just couldn't see her.
She may be a shoe-in for the next American Ninja Warrior, after all?

Although, after we got on the boat Elsa was being dramatic and telling people that she had gone really far under the water, and that she had seen a lot of fish down there.  Yeah, we need to work on that girls "story telling"....  Heather was on the boat at the time too, and said that she didn't think Elsa's head had even gone under the water.

While Reagan and Elsa were in the water, after our little adventure.  They were totally calm.  I don't know if it was just because it took a moment to sink in, or what?  But once we were all safely back on the boat; Reagan became hysterical.  She wanted to go back to the beach.
I don't know if I'll be able to get her back on a boat any time soon?
Fortunately, all of this went down at the end of the day.  So, I was OK with packing it in, and heading back to the house.

On Thursday, the (adult) girls went to lunch at Mad Moose Café.  The food was fine.  The company was the best.
Then, we loaded everyone up and drove to Carver's Cove Petting Farm.
They weren't giving pony rides that day, so we only had to pay $5/person to get in.  I thought that was still pricey.
But the kids loved it.

One of the afternoons, while we were there (I can't remember which?) my Dad set up his movie projector and screen on the back porch; and the kids watched a movie outside.  They thought that was pretty cool!

On Thursday afternoon, after we returned from the farm, my Warr cousins; and their families came up to play.
We had dinner together, and played some games.
Nick had to go home that night, because he had to work on Friday.  I was suffering from a cold, and earache.  So, I decided to go home with Nick that night too.

Nick went to work Friday morning, and I took the kids back to Wolf Creek.  My cousins were still there.
We all went to the pool.
My keys got locked in my car, while we were at the pool.  Brian, and my cousin John; managed to get my door open, and retrieved my keys without having to break a window.

My little brother, is the best.  So, is my sister.  Heather probably didn't feel like it was much of a vacation.  I know she did most of the work, while we were there.  Since I was feeling a bit under the weather, I was happy to veg-out.  And Heather was the responsible one, that took care of everyone.

Anyway, at the pool (after I got my keys out of the car); I sat on the grass and watched my kids swim.  Brian got in the pool and played with them.

 

It was a the best possible way to conclude our summer!

Thank you, Dad, for making it possible.